The revolution is at hand
By admin | February 9, 2010
“The revolution is at hand!” screamed a seemingly homeless man pushing two shopping carts while simultaneously bantering with a invisible opponent screaming politically charged pundits in effort to ‘win’ this interesting debate. I paused and watched from across the street to see if the rest of the conversation would bring further entertainment. As I looked at this man screaming with himself back and forth, it dawned on me that I knew this individual. Hurriedly I rushed across the street to at least acknowledge his and my presence in the near vicinity.
“Hey I know you” I stated as I dodged passing motorists on Broadway street in downtown Portland.
“And I know you” stated the man not taking a moment to slow down, look up, or even do that second of facial recognition (that we all do) as he responded.
“What are you doing?” I asked the individual inquisitively as he continuously muttered under his breath in his on going debate. He looked up. “Mr. Alexander!” he shouted and embraced me for hug. I quickly pulled the Heisman (you know stiff armed the man before he could get to close; stopping his forward body movement with a stiff solid arm) and shook his hand. I was after all wearing my grey Banana republic wool trench coat.
” What are you doing?” I repeated. He looked me in the eyes, debating on whether to tell me the truth, seemingly scanning my intention on such a question and then he stated “The revolution is at hand”. ” What revolution?” I replied. He smiled, but not a normal smile. One of those eerie ‘I-know-something-you-don’t-know’ smiles. I inquired to his possessing shopping carts from both Costco and Safeway in downtown Portland as there wasn’t a Costco for miles. “They arrest you if they catch you with these carts, so I’m trying to sell ‘em” was his response. I wished him a safe evening, luck with selling the carts (though it sounded a bit illegal for selling stolen grocery carts) and his continued success in life’s endeavors. As I walked off, I could hear his loud bellow of “the revolution is at hand”.
Days later it stuck with me. The revolution is at hand? What revolution? How does he know? He may be crazy! Should I even listen to mutterings of a man with two shopping carts not even from the same store? I laughed. Yet this plagued me for several more days. And so I began to research, I prayed, I studied and pursued the subject of revolution. And it’s in this search that I found that he was right. The revolution is at hand! What the revolution is to you may be different than it is to me. But I know this; as the soil must be unearthed and churned in the ground before planting a garden, so must the happening in our life at times. Things may seem to be taking a change for the worst, or represent such a fundamental change in power that it seems too unfamiliar but it’s the result of a revolution. Our individual revolutions that spur new growth and new ideas. In writing this I continue my personal revolution and will pursue searching for a life well lived. Welcome 2010.
Topics: self reflection | No Comments »
Diversity?
By admin | December 17, 2009
I wanna believe Portland is diverse. I really want to say that I currently live in a city where people are looked at by the content of the character and not the color of their skin. That we are all afforded and equal opportunity to pursue our passions, to be creative, to follow our dreams. That we are greeted equally and looked at for our potential. That we live in this harmonious Eden of progressive-ism (if that’s a word) where people just ‘get it’. But we don’t. And i can’t honestly say that we are trying to change it.
No this is not one of those “Woe is me I’m black” deals. Nor is this a rant about how unfair life is, or how terrible it is to live in a wonderful place like Portland, Oregon. But this is a look, from my point of view, of how our considerations of diversity, related to past experience, differ. In fact i would be bold enough to say that our city and it’s citizens are for diversity as long as the requirements of such don’t take any verification.
For those of you who haven’t had the pleasure of visiting Portland I would suggest you do such. The metropolitan area consists of more than one million people. There are coffee shops, rose gardens, parks, climbing trails, mountains and numerous amounts of outdoor activities. We fuse urban/suburban/rural in such a way you can really observe and appreciate each of those aspects. Our rainy season is not too bad, it snows during Christmas, and our summers consistantly stay around 80-90 degrees. Not to sound too much like a chamber of commerce commercial, Portland is in itself, aesthetically and superficially a wonderful place to be. Like with things that sound too good to be true, my description is.
As enlightened as the city residents are, we easily forget the redlining that was routinely used (and investigated and reported on by the city club of Portland in 1980) as a means of segregating minorities from the rest of the population. Those unfamiliar with redlining, in Portland it was “to create exclusionary zones for blacks and orientals by real estate, banking and insurance companies”. This basically excluded large groups of minorities from getting a home loan or insurance or from renting in certain parts of Portland. Which makes Portland’s historically ‘black’ areas in North Portland make a lot more sense. I say historically because the gentrification process is happening in North Portland, which isn’t necessarily bad, but it seems like more of a displacement effort on behalf of those who have been traditionally subjugated.
Additionally the state of Oregon from it’s incorporation as a state in the 1850’s had a “Black exclusion law” which prohibited anyone of African descent from entering into the state and if they did they would be removed. Oregon has among the highest number of hate based racist organizations and was even thrust into national prominence as a racial hot bed with the beating of an Ethiopian immigrant by Portland based racist hate group followers. From it’s inception, not only Portland but the entire state of Oregon was aimed at eliminating any amounts of diversity as law. It’s ironic how we like to say how “diverse” we are.
I could continue to point out how unpaid labor enriched the nation as a whole (slavery), how up until 1968 my parents (who by then were in high school) had to go to segregated schools that inadequately prepared students to contribute their fullest to society, but these are things we all learned and know. The truth of this; diversity isn’t the act of merely proclaiming that your diverse. It’s the active engagement of those who have not had the opportunity to be involved and learn about them, and them you. To celebrate the differences and respect them. To involve them and give them opportunities that were denied when they were initially given out.
An interesting topic was brought out in the Oregonian in the September 3, 2009 printing. There seems to be a lack of diversity (which we pride ourselves on) in our government. This surprises me (okay not really), because it seems like we would want individuals who have experienced different things, and represent the diaspora of the city to be equally involved with the laws that govern us. It’s a two fold story because the lack of qualified applicants or interest creates under-qualified (and possibly inadequate) candidates who would represent the interests with out the political or social aptitude for the tasks.
I have decided to leave this blog unfinished and to be continued. As usual I am searching for a life well lived.
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Spiral….
By admin | September 10, 2009
And so the downward spiral of our government begins.
While hastily getting ready for the mornings tom-foolery and foolywang that awaits me daily at work, I turned on the news to catch a recap on the presidents health-care reform speech ( yeah I look at these things now) and noticed a republican congressman yell out “You liar”. What he said in itself is not a problem, it’s the fact that the tradition of the proceedings and the role of the Presidency should be respected. Regardless of difference of opinion when the president is addressing congress THIS should be respected.
Besides where was this guy (and all the people who think what he did was ok) when we had a president who reported weapons of mass destruction that sent young American soldiers spiraling into eternity in a War we couldn’t “win” for reasons that were seemingly non existent? Even amongst changing reasons as to why we were sending our brothers and sisters to a foreign country to face the possibility of death for reduced gas prices is beyond me. Yet we’ll sit and vilify a man who is trying to improve health-care so we can all live longer or better lives? So it’s no longer a right, but a responsibility of a nation to take care of ALL of it’s citizens? It’s making less sense every minute and rapidly deteriorating my confidence in American sensibility.
But then again maybe I’m an anomaly. Maybe the country that just 41 years ago had to implement laws to guarantee rights for it’s African American citizens (simple things like drinking water from a public water fountain or sitting at the front of a bus) has learned it’s lesson. Lets get this straight; though we employ socialist ideals (we have social welfare programs like TANF, SECTION 8, FOODSTAMPS and even FINANCIAL AID) our country still is a slave to the dollar. We’re bred in a society that cherishes winning at ALL COSTS. Looking like a winner, talking like a winner, being the Alpha male, the top dog, the HBIC. Everything our country stands for in regards to economic policy, diplomatic policy, education and health care is based around money. Money is NOT the root of all evil. The LOVE of money is. I don’t want to come of as some sort of Utopian Fantasist but I do know that people will protect their ’status’ and certain changes will have larger effects. Pharmaceuticals, health-care and wellness is big business.
Any amount of change is going to have a ripple effect. It’s to be expected. In a changing world, you must adapt to change. To remain competitive it takes more than brute strength. It takes sensibility, courage, understanding, faith, and respect. I can’t blame the man for trying to save the world, but I’ll settle for EVERY American citizen being saved. Not just those who can afford it.
Sometimes we need to be saved from ourselves. In writing this, I am searching for one thing; a life well lived.
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RIP Edward Kennedy
By admin | August 26, 2009
Though controversial a figure, Ed “Ted” Kennedy may of been one of my favorite orators and politicians of the last century. Like any other person, he made mistakes; Chappaquiddick was amongst the most scandalous cover ups to happen in American politics. Yet those actions revolved around his personal life. As a politician, orator, and American citizen his legislation created paths for some of the rights and privileges we take for granted today. The last of a familial dynasty, his foresight and vision can be the text for American Law and rights classes. In remembrance of his life I am posting my favorite speech, which so happens to be a eulogy as presented by Ted Kennedy. Though you may not agree with him as a person, I think you’ll appreciate the insight and knowledge expressed in this speech and eulogy for his own brother JFK:
On behalf of Mrs. Robert Kennedy, her children and the parents and sisters of Robert Kennedy, I want to express what we feel to those who mourn with us today in this Cathedral and around the world. We loved him as a brother and father and son. From his parents, and from his older brothers and sisters – Joe, Kathleen and Jack – he received inspiration which he passed on to all of us. He gave us strength in time of trouble, wisdom in time of uncertainty, and sharing in time of happiness. He was always by our side.
Love is not an easy feeling to put into words. Nor is loyalty, or trust or joy. But he was all of these. He loved life completely and lived it intensely.
A few years back, Robert Kennedy wrote some words about his own father and they expressed the way we in his family feel about him. He said of what his father meant to him: “What it really all adds up to is love – not love as it is described with such facility in popular magazines, but the kind of love that is affection and respect, order, encouragement, and support. Our awareness of this was an incalculable source of strength, and because real love is something unselfish and involves sacrifice and giving, we could not help but profit from it.
“Beneath it all, he has tried to engender a social conscience. There were wrongs which needed attention. There were people who were poor and who needed help. And we have a responsibility to them and to this country. Through no virtues and accomplishments of our own, we have been fortunate enough to be born in the United States under the most comfortable conditions. We, therefore, have a responsibility to others who are less well off.”
This is what Robert Kennedy was given. What he leaves us is what he said, what he did and what he stood for. A speech he made to the young people of South Africa on their Day of Affirmation in 1966 sums it up the best, and I would read it now:
“There is a discrimination in this world and slavery and slaughter and starvation. Governments repress their people; and millions are trapped in poverty while the nation grows rich; and wealth is lavished on armaments everywhere.
“These are differing evils, but they are common works of man. They reflect the imperfection of human justice, the inadequacy of human compassion, our lack of sensibility toward the sufferings of our fellows.
“But we can perhaps remember – even if only for a time – that those who live with us are our brothers; that they share with us the same short moment of life; that they seek – as we do – nothing but the chance to live out their lives in purpose and happiness, winning what satisfaction and fulfillment they can.
“Surely this bond of common faith, this bond of common goal, can begin to teach us something. Surely, we can learn, at least, to look at those around us as fellow men. And surely we can begin to work a little harder to bind up the wounds among us and to become in our own hearts brothers and countrymen once again.
“Our answer is to rely on youth – not a time of life but a state of mind, a temper of the will, a quality of imagination, a predominance of courage over timidity, of the appetite for adventure over the love of ease. The cruelties and obstacles of this swiftly changing planet will not yield to obsolete dogmas and outworn slogans. They cannot be moved by those who cling to a present that is already dying, who prefer the illusion of security to the excitement and danger that come with even the most peaceful progress. It is a revolutionary world we live in; and this generation at home and around the world, has had thrust upon it a greater burden of responsibility than any generation that has ever lived.
“Some believe there is nothing one man or one woman can do against the enormous array of the world’s ills. Yet many of the world’s great movements, of thought and action, have flowed from the work of a single man. A young monk began the Protestant reformation, a young general extended an empire from Macedonia to the borders of the earth, and a young woman reclaimed the territory of France. It was a young Italian explorer who discovered the New World, and the thirty-two-year-old Thomas Jefferson who proclaimed that all men are created equal.
“These men moved the world, and so can we all. Few will have the greatness to bend history itself, but each of us can work to change a small portion of events, and in the total of all those acts will be written the history of this generation. It is from numberless diverse acts of courage and belief that human history is shaped. Each time a man stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope, and crossing each other from a million different centers of energy and daring, those ripples build a current that can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance.
“Few are willing to brave the disapproval of their fellows, the censure of their colleagues, the wrath of their society. Moral courage is a rarer commodity than bravery in battle or great intelligence. Yet it is the one essential, vital quality for those who seek to change a world that yields most painfully to change. And I believe that in this generation those with the courage to enter the moral conflict will find themselves with companions in every corner of the globe.
“For the fortunate among us, there is the temptation to follow the easy and familiar paths of personal ambition and financial success so grandly spread before those who enjoy the privilege of education. But that is not the road history has marked out for us. Like it or not, we live in times of danger and uncertainty. But they are also more open to the creative energy of men than any other time in history. All of us will ultimately be judged and as the years pass we will surely judge ourselves, on the effort we have contributed to building a new world society and the extent to which our ideals and goals have shaped that effort.
“The future does not belong to those who are content with today, apathetic toward common problems and their fellow man alike, timid and fearful in the face of new ideas and bold projects. Rather it will belong to those who can blend vision, reason and courage in a personal commitment to the ideals and great enterprises of American Society.
“Our future may lie beyond our vision, but it is not completely beyond our control. It is the shaping impulse of America that neither fate nor nature nor the irresistible tides of history, but the work of our own hands, matched to reason and principle, that will determine our destiny. There is pride in that, even arrogance, but there is also experience and truth. In any event, it is the only way we can live.”
This is the way he lived. My brother need not be idealized, or enlarged in death beyond what he was in life, to be remembered simply as a good and decent man, who saw wrong and tried to right it, saw suffering and tried to heal it, saw war and tried to stop it.
Those of us who loved him and who take him to his rest today, pray that what he was to us and what he wished for others will some day come to pass for all the world.
As he said many times, in many parts of this nation, to those he touched and who sought to touch him:
“Some men see things as they are and say why.
I dream things that never were and say why not.”
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She has to be able to dance
By admin | July 8, 2009
No doubt I can be a bit superficial, but what I am writing about is of the utmost importance, as it is vital to any future romantic relationship I may pursue. This is SUCH a major issue that if the adverse was ever to be found out I would instantly break off the relationship! What could possibly be the issue that is of such concern? My romantic interests ability to dance. Now before you go getting your mind in the gutter, let me explain.
I’ve dated a girl who couldn’t dance. When i say “dance” I’m not talking about breakin’ it down rhythm nation style like a young Janet in her prime. I’m talking about keeping a two step going to a beat (ON BEAT). One of the major problems was that SHE THOUGHT she could dance. Seriously. On occasion as a young man I would hit the disco joint with her and as soon as ANY song came on she would go into what I would call unrhythmic convulsions, followed by occasionally kicking me, dancin’ to an Abba beat (though BIGGIE was being pumped through the speakers) and routinely dry humping my leg while digging her heel into my toe. Especially hated it when she was stepping on my air force ones, which is a near break up reason in itself. I couldn’t take it. I realized that relationship was headed no where after that night.I can already see it; why break up with her for that reason? And no it’s not because of what you may be thinking. Dancing is used in numerous capacities; as an expression, a form of non verbal communication, for sport purposes or even viewed as an art-form. I personally see it is a way to connect with my potential girlfriend. That being said, if you can’t dance it tells me all I need to know about you. Which is “we need not pursue this any further”. I’m terrible I know. And I’m not that big of a dancer, but when it’s time to cut rug, she HAS to be able to dance. In dancing, and writing this, I am searching for one thing; a life well lived.
PS. I hated when she that she was sooo tight or hot dancing in a way she thought was ’sexy’. Horrible. When I have night mares it routinely involves terrible dancing.
PSS. I am NOT looking for anything…lol. I am well taken care of, just an observation I have had!
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Friendship
By admin | June 9, 2009
I only hope to appeal to your senses. To captivate the thinking part of you that recognizes right or wrong (your personal morals) and challenges you to re-assess what you held structurally true. I want to correct you when your wrong, console you when your distressed, and walk with you when your lonely. I will hold your best interest in my forefront and continue to cover you when your exposed. Your vulnerability is my vulnerability, and I hold your challenge as my challenge.
I hope to learn from you, to read with you, to pray for you. I want you to challenge me, to look out for me, to question me. I need you to correct me when I am wrong, applaud me when I’m right, and stand with me when I’m scared. I need you to be better than me, to require of me, to push me, to occasionally even pull me. I ask of you nothing more than to guide me with one rule; the golden rule.
I will always remember that together we can achieve what we put our heart to. That though one may fall, when there is two, there is someone to help you up. I’ll remember the condolences you have given me, the times you have encouraged me, the love you have shown me. You have been a friend that has stuck by closer than a brother.
In writing this I am searching for one thing, a life well lived.
Topics: self reflection | 4 Comments »
I AM
By admin | April 14, 2009
I’m black. In case you haven’t take the time to look at the picture at the top, or read some of my points of views in this blog, I would like to openly state the fact that I am of African American heritage. “So what?” some might say, and others may already be like “here goes another blog about being black and downtrodden in America”. Still more may say “I’m white/yellow/blue (there is a blue man -NOT the blue man group) so?”. And I would have to agree in some sense, with all of those previous statements intents, because at some point I have thought “man it’s hard being black in America” but as I grow older it’s becoming apparent it’s just hard being an individual in america. that being said, i’ll get straight to the point; it’s time for black america to really transition.
Don’t get me wrong; Four hundred plus years of slavery, another hundred years of segregation and minimal access to education, resources and financial assistance methods have built a core culture that has lead to low post secondary education and graduation rates, high incarceration and low home ownership. Yet this is not just an African american problem, it’s an AMERICAN problem. As a nation of immigrants, migrants, miscreants and occupants, we are all in a land that very few of us can call our ‘native’ land (land in which an ‘ethnic group’ holds a long lineage) thus our true accomplishments and issues being attributable to all of us in some sense. Our nation is made up from representatives of every nation in the world, every language, every culture, every tint of skin, allowing us to have citizens that enjoy the full benefits of american inclusion and with them come the traditions and cultures into our melting pot.
Justifiably we’ve tried. Numerous programs have been enacted as a method of equalization for hundreds of years to offset active and willing institutionalized segregation and discrimination . Affirmative action, minority contracting requirements, and quoatas just haven’t done the job. It’s like putting a band aid on a wound that needs stitches. We need a re-inclusion. This won’t just affect african americans, but caucasian americans also. We need to build together instead of one sided formulas that look good on paper but don’t work in reality.
Yet the biggest part is just in the African American community itself. The standards that we have for ourselves can’t be exceded by what others have for us; basic meaning-we should expect the most, the best for us. Come to expect more. Why? Because doing the ’stanky leg’ as fun it may be does not include us in the american mainstream that we seem to have wanted to be apart of. Instead of being the source of bafoonery and entertainment as a representation of “who” we are, lets make a concerted effort to balance out our image. Some mass scale level damage control, marketing effort, and documentable certification push. Even in writing this I am being a bit more political then I should be. A lot of this should be self evident within our community. Even within myself.
This rant could go on and on. Instead I am going to end this rather abruptly. This rant was sponsored by my search for a life well lived.
Topics: racial issues | 1 Comment »
Trustee
By admin | February 9, 2009
More credit should be given to the American Indian, for they were onto something far beyond what conventional wisdom or American territorial-ism would allow. Looking around I am realizing that our place in this world is not as owners. We can’t own anything. Just as much as we own the sunlight that shines on us, or the wind that blows against us or the rain that beats us down can we own anything that was before us and will be after us. Instead we are more of trustees.
As trustees of humanity and our earth it is our responsibility that both are in a better condition than when the benefits were bestowed upon us. How can we own the air? We can’t, for if we could, then we would indeed be able to own the birds that occupy the space and the cumulus and stratus clouds that gather from time to time. Further more we would be held in neglect for the mass amounts of carcinogens and other lethals compounds the have been formulated by people.
Mr. Smith in the movie “The Matrix” had it right the whole time when he stated “humans are like virus”. I would agree. We operate to our detriment with minimal consideration for the future and maximum consideration for the present. That’s not even a wise investment strategy. As I had initially stated, I believe our role on this earth is more as trustees. Just think how many people have been on this planet. Over 150 years ago there were different, laws, rules, people and owners of the SAME land we currently inhabit. Just as much as they were able to OWN their land which they do not own (many have sold, transferred ownership or lost) currently, so can we all. Or more specifically so can’t we all.
Ownership would mean that whoever initially created or owned and inhabited the land had willed it or given it to us to do what we would with it. But instead we have stolen, or using methods of imminent domain as creative as our accounting methods, taken land that isn’t even ours. It’s no ones. It’s the creators. It’s the earth. Just as much as you can own another person, you can own land. Just as much as you can create something our of nothing using nothing but your mind and causing it to have personality and grow, can you own anything. I know, you can’t.
So why think like this? Because it’s time. Because knowledge is power. Because the more you know, the more you understand, the better off we are. Tell me, why not think like this? Thinking becomes action. Action becomes rules. Rules become law. Law governs how we operate as a society. Our societal judgement guides our future.
It’s too easy to let force be the governing body over us. He who is stronger defining what those who are weaker do. Darwin said “survival of the fittest” which is a great saying for how the animal world works. But while us humans can communicate, work together, and make decisions that benefit us all, lets make that a necessity. That ALL are well, and leave such laws of the fit to the animal kingdom. I write…better yet I type in exploration and search of one thing; a life well lived.
Topics: Humanity | 1 Comment »
Captivation
By admin | February 6, 2009
What captivates your mind? It would be great if I could say I spend my day being enlightened beyond the trivial needs of this life. To spend my days working on making the world a better place, I ascend to higher levels of thinking beyond whats conventional and in my spare time I explore the literary genius of the likes of Emerson, Tennyson and Stevenson. But instead like many of you, I go home and watch the most terrible (yet highly entertaining) shows on television, listen to the most non-sensical music and basically celebrate the opposite of productivity in every aspect available. And all the while I have this nagging feeling that life has to be more…that there is more to this than working in a cyclical manner to make enough money to pay bills to continue living and in the mean time consuming all manners of entertainment that ultimately leave me wanting more.
I never have been a person who accepted the use of illegal narcotics (including marijuana) or alcohol as an ‘escape’. And though I am not a personal user, I have slowly understood why our relaxation and escapism methods are different but the same. In a way I believe it’s just misguided interpretations of ways to get to the truth. As this is not an absolute conclusion (there are no absolutes in my world except God, taxes and death) there are going to be people who do things without purpose. Or without that purpose. Getting to the root of the problem, we need escapes. Television, music, drugs, alcohol and prescription meds (among others) are easy ways to address the stress and issues that come with life. We enjoy things that make us feel good. You could even add adrenaline junkies and high risk activities of methods of escape. These things captivate our minds, but like a band-aid in replacement of stitches, these are just temporary fixes. When the activity is over, the show is off, the alcohol has worn off or we come down from our adrenaline or drug induced high we are left right where we were with no solution. Thus it being cyclical and becoming an addiction. I don’t find addiction to be necessarily bad, it’s when these addictions control our lives in a negative way, cause our body’s to break down or impede on the peaceful enjoyment and pursuit of happiness of our neighbors. Yet cycles that are unproductive and get us no where is like using a stationary bike to arrive at a destination…spinning wheels putting you no closer to where you need to be.
So what do we need to do? Take flight. To ascend. Not literally but figuratively. To get on a higher level. To decidedly and actively participate in opening our lives up to something greater than what could be conventionally provided to us. To search for something bigger, better, more fulfilling. I wouldn’t be so brass as to presume I know what that would be. But I know what works for me, and what that is might not work for you. But as a humans can connect with each other seemingly in mind, body and soul, I can profoundly state that happiness and fulfilment may not be conjured by men. And why do this? Because you can…because it’s destined for you to be happy and get the most out of life. In doing this I am searching for one thing: a life well lived.
“make knowledge the law because ignorance is a crime”-Gemineye
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Matters of the heart
By admin | September 11, 2008
Believe me , I am no where near where I want to be when it comes to matters of the heart. I mean I am the same guy who lied, cheated, and lied some more expecting things to kind of always ‘work out’ for me. I am sure you know (or knew) a guy like me. Unfortunately I found out the hard way that no matter what your intentions are, it’s your actions that define the outcome of any situation. Despite what people say, what they DO is what will tell you about how they feel/think.
Which brings me to the matter of love. I mean I love pizza. I love my family. I love sunshine. But when does this love that I have transcend familial patterns and non animate objects to be something I share with anyone who could hurt me? Hmm. That’s tough. I have been more of someone who trusts no one. I won’t openly say that I don’t, but I also handicap myself because I won’t allow my self to truly open up to others. It’s like some sort of mental block. Emotionally it just doesn’t happen. It’s as if I don’t know how. And how could I love anyone fully who I don’t trust.
Or it could be that I am afraid of the pain associated with love. I heard someone say “love is pain”. I would rather avoid pain so I guess I should avoid love? Then could I truly ever live? I life without love without the friendship and trust and the ability to rely on another? Honestly for me, it’s a matter of acceptance. I get the moments where I feel that if I was completely honest, the true me would be too much for them. Yes, I’m a mess….lol. This is more of an open ended blog than a definitive one. In this shortness of this blog I have summed up ‘who’ I am. But in doing such I am continuing as always, searching for a life well lived.
I hold it true, whate’er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
‘Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.
-Alfred Lord Tennyson
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves.”
– 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
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